friend request

This feature is interesting and difficult to understand because it splits up people.

It is impossible and yet it does indeed have an influence on people's thoughts and behaviour.

 

 

Some people send a friend request to get the all important good for nothing Karma points.

Some people send a friend request because they like a post you wrote.

Some people send a friend request because they want a well liked blogger on their list.

Some people send a friend request because they value your opinion.

Some people send a friend request because they want many people on their list.

Some people send a friend request because something you said touched their hearts.

Some people send a friend request because they expect something of you.

Some people send a friend request because they see something in you.

Some people send a friend request because they consider each list their on a conquest won.

Some people send a friend request because they want to be notified about new posts.

Some people send a friend request because they feel close to someone.

Some people send a friend request to draw attention to another's blog.

Some people send a friend request on the spur of a moment.

Some people send a friend request after a long time of deep thought and working up the courage.

Some people send a friend request because they don't know they can also press follow.

Some people send a friend request because they want to talk.

Some people send a friend request because it feels good to be accepted.

Some people don't send a friend request because they fear to declined.

 

 

Some people send no friend request because they don't think they need a online feature to be the friend of someone.

Some people think that being a friend doesn't come down to being on someone's list but on how friendly people are with each other and a multiple amount of other things.

 

 

Some people think that a friend request has to either be accepted or declined immediately and while they demand to be considered and treated as human beings perversely ask to be treated like numbers on a plate what ever happened to get to know someone before you call them friend. It helps with a lot of issues that mess up online communities and blogs, get to know the other and find out if you are interested in each other before you end up with a dozen people on your list that don't really care and discard and hurt each other just for the sake of an online feature.

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Comments (37)

  1. johnnygreybeard

    There is a lot to be said about the friending. You pretty much said most of it though.
    The thing is with many of these so called friends, is it’s difficult to tell who may even be who they present themselves as being. Even though all profiles can be adjusted to seem very realistic and may not really be, there’s also the multiple account people that somehow want to do this action.
    My opinion is not very good on this particular thing happening, and even though a person can do whatever they want, it seems deceptive to me in a bad way.
    Let me say trhat I do know one person personally that has done this and they really do not get very much attention on either profile. It appears more acceptable to me probably because I know them. I do alsop know of others that do this and my opinion is not too good.
    Next—What kind of real friend can we actually be anyway? Lets use an example of you and I for instance.
    I like to think of you as a blogging friend. We are both respectful of each other and have really had a few laughs. We do get along quite well. We have not taken our friendship any further than this. We hardly ever message, unless there is just something to talk about. We don’t have emails, we have never talked on the phone, or really had much of a personal conversation.
    So we are more of just blogging buddies than close friends. Neither of us has attempted to do more as we both must feel comfortable where we are. But in reality, we don’t even know if we are who we say we are other than maybe other friends telling us something about the other. I feel you are a good person and I am happy to have met you.
    Many profiles are really vague in content and seem suspicious to me. I hardy ever turn down a request, but almost always have to make the efforts to communicate with whoever it is. So as you said earlier in your post. What is the actual purpose of this friending?

    July 03, 2014
    1. yayuki

      I recently wondered about this and so I came to post this… seems like people have developed the throw away friendship judging by how they treat people around here… I do understand this, I wrote a post on the multiple account problem and commented on it… I don’t have the stomache for it myself, one blog takes enough of my time… I am alright with it under the condition that nobody gets tricked or betrayed by it… I absolutely resent people that do it to spy, trick, hurt and insult others…
      I think we are good blogging friends I have my own name for you lol
      We are alright in our own communication blogship
      You are right about suspicious profiles, I already wrote in the other post…
      I turned down request of one fake account with one post and no action that I got a warning in computer to not enter beacuse of suspicous content. I turned down one other because that person managed to win the award of hitting all nogoes… I decide and I don’t decline or ignore people I am very careful to treat all accounts the same and give everyone a chance, that is more than a lot of other do obviously it still isn’t enough for some people, well…what is the purpose I have some friends I talk to that are not on my list simply because it didn’t come up now does that mean we like each other less? well, I don’t think so

      July 03, 2014
      1. johnnygreybeard

        This is also true of me having some people that I comment, or they like, or comment—that are not on my list.
        There’s always some that really are not here to be pleasant and considerate. I have been fortunate not to have run into many of them.

        July 03, 2014
        1. yayuki

          Yes, exactly being on someone’s list has the benefit that you have the avatars and the newest post next to it, so when one goes online and sees someone hasn’t posted one can maybe pm and ask if everything is alright… One can also use the stream for that, I guess I haven’t yet checked if the stream works like the topics on a comment related selection of by date of post Need to check on that one when I have more free time.

          Pleasant and considerate is difficult, some people have real trouble in their real life that they feel freer to vent online because they don’t feel guilty when they hurt people they don’t know… there were some university studies on this matter which were quite interesting… it involved as well a button that was supposedly attached to a device on someone’s skin. The participant’s were told that pressing the button would cause someone in the next room pain, multiple press would result in increasing amount of pain…More than 3 quarters of the participant’s pressed the button at least once, over half at least twice. When they could hear the scream there wasn’t much change, only when they could see the person they were about cause pain the amount decreased under 20%.

          Guess that leaves us aiming for the more or less 20% that don’t need to see face to respect and treat someone else the same way they wish to be treated (assuming that the majority doesn’t want to be someone’s doormat because of a inclination bordering on masochism)

          I have run into some gems at some places in www already, it all comes down to some people beind exceptionally nice, others being nice, others being friendly, other being tolerable, the one with issues one can accept and or help and well the small amount of people that just don’t care… so basically just like real life

          July 06, 2014
          1. johnnygreybeard

            This is interesting. I am glad I did not have to be tested on that pain causing thing. I guess I would just have to close the page .. I HOPE anyway…

            July 06, 2014
  2. miss-ranty-pants

    I used to limit friend requests until I had a lot of interaction, but now I tend to be less picky, and unfriend if the person turns out to be a bigot or spammer, as with everything on the net, you need to be careful.

    July 04, 2014
    1. yayuki

      Yes, being careful is important… I decided to interact with people before I let them on my list… I really don’t want to end up in the middle or get dragged into issues anymore, I also don’t want to get hurt by people or hurt others simply because someone is annoyed and hits the unfriend button… ok mistake one is new here and tries stuff accidently unfriended may happen especially with the people that are not mothertongues… what I don’t understand and don’t support so much is the habit I observed that people hit the button to make a point, a bit like the block button, I feel offended I show you ‘click’… I think while it makes it easier to express a temporary feeling it also causes a load of other problems in return because all to often the other party is left in the dark, feels wronged, decepted or whatever and as in all groups other people get dragged into it because well ‘people talk’ and they have the right to talk…. I support the take a deep breath, step away from the computer do something else, allow your mind time to think and then talk to the other party after one has calmed down and one can speak reasonable and less accusing so more can come out of it than a simple shouting match… unless the issue revovles on who can shout louder and knows more hateful vocabulary…

      July 06, 2014
      1. miss-ranty-pants

        People will try and drag you into fights here, just let them know you won’t take sides, It mostly works, people that demand you do are not worth knowing. Like Mr Sandman says, get over it, it’s only the internet

        July 07, 2014
        1. yayuki

          Yes, it is a difficult and challenging demand be friendly and make others feel welcome and don’t get dragged into fights… I think I managed so far… well the internet has become a part of the world, people spend up to six hours a day online… Crime has to move their as well to still be profitable and that is the scary part… More and more crimes begin, take part or end online Then again every period has got its special attention thingy…

          July 07, 2014
          1. miss-ranty-pants

            You have a sensible head on your shoulders, you’ll be fine

            July 07, 2014
            1. yayuki

              Me yeah possibly but what about the others? So many people get hurt by behaviour that is simply avoidable!

              July 08, 2014
            2. miss-ranty-pants

              Its up to the rest of us to educate, but ultimately people are responsible and will make their own moves.

              July 09, 2014
            3. yayuki

              yup, all we can do is hope and try…

              July 09, 2014
  3. wirelessguru1

    Blocking is even worse!

    July 07, 2014
    1. yayuki

      yes and no!

      July 07, 2014
      1. wirelessguru1

        Maybe!?

        July 07, 2014
        1. yayuki

          No! – Yes in one way, no in another way

          July 08, 2014
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    1. yayuki

      Sure… I just think it would reduce the problems in a community if people would only send friend request to people they already talked to, know, or somehow relate to… you don’t walk past a stranger and push a note into their hand while passing reading: Let’s be friends… Now that would feel stupid at least right, then why do it online?
      You don’t just get rid of your soccer buddy because he isn’t polite, so why do it online?
      .
      people are people wherever they are!

      July 08, 2014
      1. This comment has been deleted
        1. yayuki

          That is not a problem in general… for example you left my flist, I’m alright with that, no problem, nothing, we still talk, so what… What I don’t like are the people who unfriend someone for their own made up reasons and then go spreading, blocking and entertaining their own selfmade problems.
          .
          It is not about me, it is about the majority of cases observed. Human behaviour in general and the question why the people that complain the most are always the people who cause the same in others and absolutely deny exactly that. For example, someone goes on and on and on about how people should be more sensitve, be polite, understand and listen patiently, yet, at the same time refuse to live by their rules are rude, not patient, fly of the handle, blame others all the time…

          July 08, 2014
          1. This comment has been deleted
            1. yayuki

              I still have to understand the feature block, since one has free choice over what one reads, so why block to not read when one can easily select another topic or post… So getting irritated over what people write about is actually weird to me, but that is my perception, obviously some people around here feel forced to read every post and complain afterwards about how people make them read all the shallow stuf… Weird! Really weird!
              .
              It depends plain and simple on what you feel, if someone accepts another into their world no matter if online or in real life they become attached to the person. Some people are unable to feel this if they don’t know the person personally or at least through picture… I think you probably belong in this group, you need a real person to feel more… I don’t where I mentioned it before, but there was this study where they tested the ability of people to attach themselves to other people, to animals, to plants…. some people feel the same sadness when their beloved plant, animal, friend gets sick or dies… other are unable to feel anything for a plant dying because they can’t relate probably because it is to different from own experience of body…animals are easier to relate to, mostly because they show emotions, unique behaviour and so on…
              .
              Now some people feel sad when someone they don’t know dies, others don’t feel it concerns them… All in all it comes down to how much effort a person invests in others and the communication with others…
              .
              I have never had a reason to unfriend anyone and I doubt I will ever have to but I certainly would never just hit a button. I would explain my reasons to them in polite words because what causes all this trouble is that people don’t understand what they did wrong to be disliked, diminished and wiped out in such an unpersonal and rude manner…

              July 08, 2014
            2. This comment has been deleted
            3. yayuki

              If it works for you and you are content with the result that is fine… I’ve seen too many people get hurt to add to their load, though… besides I don’t unfriend people unless there is a real hard reason to do so bordering on crime of harassment of others/myself with ill intent…

              July 09, 2014
            4. yayuki

              It’s not about assuming or dealing with adults… people are different… ever heard of highly sensitive people… no disease just a biological difference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person

              July 09, 2014
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            6. yayuki

              I don’t know I think that is a bit one way… I sort of don’t believe you take it that easy especially since I remember one of your posts where you complained about people unfriending you for no reason… if it didn’t matter to you you would have just shrugged and not felt any need to post about it… There is nothing wrong with feeling bad about not being wanted, or not being wanted to be seen on someone’s screen… Rejection is not a favourite human experience… It has nothing to do with esteem issues at all… it is plain and simple human nature to accept only what is understood…
              .
              And honestly unless someone is a sociapath and even they would feel hurt in their pride and won’t believe anyone that tells me they don’t care if after they spend a big amount of time to get to know someone, talk about god and the world or whatever with that person, laugh … and then that person just clicks some button like they are not worth even one word to them doesn’t feel hurt in some way

              July 09, 2014
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            8. This comment has been deleted
            9. yayuki

              Look I am not trying to convince you to take the opinion as your own, I am mainly telling you that people think and are that way… like tolerating another worldview means acting accordingly otherwise it is only pretend tolerance…forcing others to live with your worldview no matter if they know, understand it will simply cause trouble
              .

              July 09, 2014
            10. This comment has been deleted
            11. yayuki

              There are more meanings of the word tell and the one you picked up wasn’t the meaning intended, which exactly emphasises what I pointed out… you are not trying to understand you just assume…
              .
              Nobody has all the answers and unless god starts a blog here you won’t meet anyone on thoughts who does…
              .
              If by that you mean different pov… sure, you prefer to get misunderstood and to easily get into trouble with other people for nothing while I prefer to consider optional outcomes of situations and simple avoid to get into a verbal fight over nothing

              July 10, 2014
            12. This comment has been deleted
            13. yayuki

              I plain and simple answered your comments on my blog… what you choose to read into them your whatever you will call it…

              July 10, 2014
            14. This comment has been deleted
            15. yayuki

              Courtesy demands to answer all comments someone leaves on someone else’s post even if the guest becomes impolite and qeustions his own motives…
              .
              Courtesy plain and simple… Feel free to leave

              July 10, 2014
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            17. yayuki

              in case you didn’t notice the other post is about YOU… don’t talk to people if you don’t want them to talk back to you…

              July 10, 2014
  5. keepingitreal_13

    Talking to me or anyone is fine but you tried to TELL ME what to do or how i should do things. For someone that fancies themselves to be with it your poor choice of words for whatever your intent was just that……poor. I SUGGEST you could perhaps work on your words given whatever your intent of the day is while i’ll work on my take on things right, wrong or indifferent.

    July 10, 2014
    1. yayuki

      Wonderful… you manage to perfectly phrase sentences with vertigo trying to drag you to the floor, great I congratulate you… Well, me I am human I can’t, besides I used the right verb
      [reporting verb] Communicate information to someone in spoken or written words (first meaning of tell) – you were stuck on the second meaning
      .
      but why not one can always work on oneself and better one’s abilities…

      July 10, 2014
      1. keepingitreal_13

        Ahhhhh a English major among us….wonderful. Sadly you have me at a great disadvantage with that as my skills is that area are lacking. I took your word " tell " the way i did based on the flow of the convo to that point. If the word used was say " suggesting " it would have certainly been much easier for me to accept it as you claim your intent was. I took great offence at you " telling me " anything intent or not and took the position I’ve taken a million times before in dealing with anyone using that word to me.
        You say it wasn’t your intent and since i don’t know you well enough to counter that claim i’ll accept it at face value.
        A smart conversationalist is blessed with great English skills among with other skills. One of those skills is the ability to know just which words to use given the topic, flow of the convo and the person they are speaking to. Since you don’t know me any better then i know you perhaps a little better care in that area would have avoided all this " back and forth " on a word that was not intended to be taken in the context it was.

        July 10, 2014
        1. yayuki

          I could have used any word you’d still have flown of the handle, your hot blooded that is what you do… so what… the point is you assumed something that was absolutely not there because you wanted to see it there… prior experience always gets us, subconsciously… The point is, it is not my task to wonder, ponder and speculate what word you have issues with because you remember it being used in a certain context…
          I think we talked about enough in the past on thoughts for you to have easily excluded any intent to order you around… what would be the point of doing so? Nothing, so why attempt it!…
          .
          You really should stop getting yourself upset about things like this it is very bad for the health… and no that isn’t an order, it isn’t a suggestion either it is a plain and simple neutral utterance as everything I say that you may consider or not since you are entirely your own being…

          July 10, 2014